My Thoughts and Suggestions for Dating

 Hello everybody! I have some insights on dating that I would like to talk about today. We're going to dive into what dating is and what dating can be. The first thing that I would like to talk about is what's called the four stages of dating. First it starts with the initial dating. Not necessarily committed dating but instead just going on dates. The second is courtship, which is dating somebody exclusively with an eye toward marriage. The third is engagement to marriage, and the last is marriage. Each of these stages have different focuses and elements. 

Dating has to lead to one of two things. Either you end up getting married, or you break it off. There is no in between (at least in a healthy relationship). There are many different ways you could go about dating but you have to be careful. Dating somebody causes emotions inside of us to build up. If we don't watch these emotions or control them in a healthy way, dating itself can be unhealthy. Sometimes we call this misattribution of arousal.

I want to talk about something called the Relationship Attachment Model, or R.A.M. This model was created by Dr. John Van Epp and it focuses on five bonding elements that make us "feel closer together". The five bonding elements are knowledge (as in how much you know someone), trust, reliance, commitment, and touch. I want to dive into each of these starting with knowledge. Study shows that it takes about three months before you can really begin to know someone. It's one thing to be around someone all the time but another to see how they act in different situations. What's even better is being able to see how they act during all four seasons. The second element is trust. The more you interact with someone, the more you know if you can trust them or not. The third is reliance. Just because you like someone doesn't mean you can rely on them. How will you know if they are a good provider or not? The fourth element is commitment. This one determines how much time and energy you commit to someone. The last is touch. This one is a little interesting. Touch can activate a lot of powerful emotions. Many unhealthy relationships involve people spending time with each other just cuddling or kissing in order to fulfil that "need" of emotional connection. Touch can be a very healthy intimate thing but if it's the driving force of a relationship, things may have to be reconsidered.

Dr. John Van Epp concluded that whenever any of these elements increase in scale, people tend to become more attached. This isn't just prevalent in intimate relationships, it is also common in platonic relationships and friendships. Many times, when the level of  these elements become too high, problems in a relationship arise because people begin to feel unfulfilled due to the relationship being focused on the wrong thing. People become overly attached and it creates feelings of self consciousness, inadequacy, and anxiety. In fact, this type of relationship is very common in today's world. This is why DTR's (determine the relationship) are important. There seems to be a common lack of communication.

Heavenly Father has given us these emotions for a reason. He wants us to have healthy and happy relationships. Otherwise His whole plan of eternal families is void. As we are dating, it is important to counsel with the Lord and to learn His will. When we center our relationships on the Lord, we are naturally happier and our relationships are healthier.

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