The Early Stages of Marriage

 Marriage is one of the most wonderful things a person can experience. It is when two people are joined together in committed love for the rest of their lives. However some people can get the wrong idea about marriage. Some believe that marriage will fix all of their problems they currently face. This is not true. In fact, marriage can create a lot of problems you normally wouldn't expect. Today I want to talk about some of those things.

In the English language, there is only one word for love. This is hard because the word love can mean so many different things. In ancient Greece, they had four different words for love. The first is Storge, or familial love. This type of love is a natural affection one has for another, such as the love between a mother and her child. The second the word Philia, which usually translates into friendship. It represents care, respect, and compassion for those in need. It is a mutual respect towards people as human beings. The third word is Eros. This word is used to describe sexual love. This is where we get the word "erotic". The last of the four is the word Agape. This one usually translates to charity. We read about this love in the Bible. In 1 Corinthians 4 and 5, it states, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil". The verses continue to talk about the characteristics of charity, and I could site them here but I think you get the idea.

All of these types of love are required in a happy and successful marriage. Some think that these types of love come naturally. Some of them really do! However, with the life adjustments we are required to make when we first marry, it can be difficult to develop or even retain these different types of love. Let's look at some of the adjustments one might have to make that you normally might not think about.

Something that couples will always have to get used to is their financial responsibilities. Some people may have different financial habits, so it can be difficult when those clash with a spouse. Some people have problems with the way their spouse does chores, like washing the dishes or folding laundry. Even small things like having different preferences on the temperature in the room. I had a teacher tell me how when he was young, he'd open the window in his room when he'd sleep, even when it was winter time. The colder it was, the better for him. When he first got married, his wife liked it really warm, and when they'd sleep in the same bed, he would start sweating because it was so hot for him. Because of this, he would slowly inch away from his wife when she fell asleep to cool off. After a while, she'd inch up on him again until he had to switch to the other side of the bed because he was too close to the edge. One day after about six months of them being married, his wife started crying to him saying that he didn't love her. When he asked her why she thought that, she explained that she noticed that he would never sleep next to her. She thought that he'd been inching away because he didn't love her when in reality, it was because he was so used to sleeping in the cold that when he started sleeping in the same bed as her, it was so hot that it would keep him up for hours.

These little adjustments add up and it can become difficult to feel compatible with your spouse. The key is to have open communication about things. One of the most effective ways to increase love and decrease tension is to share. Not necessarily sharing food or gifts etc., but to share your thoughts and feelings about something. For example, you may ask, "How does this make you feel?" or "What are your thoughts on this?". These can be intimate and effective questions. Talk about the things you love. Talk about the things you look forward to. Maybe even talk about your fears. You will begin to understand each other more and you will begin to remember why you married in the first place. Compatibility isn't the issue here. The issue is regarding charity and what kind of efforts you put in to being charitable towards your companion.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! See you next week!