Solutions to Anxiety Both In the Family and Individually

     Hello again! I've thought a lot about what I wanted to write about today. I've decided to focus on a topic that can relate to a lot of people. When interviewing a professor of mine who has been a licensed psychotherapist for about thirty four years now, I asked him what the most common reason that people would come in was. He told me that most people want help with depression and anxiety issues. This made sense to me. As the world gets crazier and more distant from the teachings of Jesus Christ, mental health problems unfortunately increase.

    I want to talk first about what can cause these feelings (mainly anxiety) in marriage and how we can work through them. Think about some of the things that have caused stress in your marriage. These things can range through a broad spectrum of events. Everything from financial issues to the loss of a family member can cause anxiety. But what if I told you that anxiety isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think a lot of people are under the impression that if they are experiencing anxiety, that there is something wrong with them. This is not the case! In fact, anxiety is a healthy reaction to certain situations, and when it is utilized correctly, it can help motivate you to be productive which can help alleviate negative thoughts and feelings. 

    When you ask married couples to look back on their first couple years of marriage, they usually do so with a smile on their face. Isn't that interesting? Perhaps even with all of the stress of school, children, financial situations, etc., they feel like that is the time where they grew the closest. Stressful times are normal in a marriage. In fact, they are essential! This does not mean they are easy. There can be lots of unwanted anxiety in these situations. Lets talk about how we can turn them into a time to grow closer as a couple. Instead of engaging in useless and/or unhealthy activities in order to escape from the current stresses  you face, maybe try to do things together! Things such as praying together, studying scriptures together, and showing expressions of love often to each other can help you to feel unified. One of the most effective ways to grow closer together would to make sure to go on a date with each other once a week. This one is big! These dates do not by any means need to be expensive. Use your creativity together! Some of the healthiest marriages I have ever seen are when couples go on weekly dates.

    Now I'd like to talk about anxiety on a more personal level. Despite efforts to alleviate anxiety during hard times, bad things can still happen to good people. These events very often lead to feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, anger, and depression, all of which can be fueled by anxiety. There is something that psychologists like to call the locus of control. The idea behind it is that you can have either an internal locus of control or an external locus of control. The external is the mindset of "this is my fate. I can't control this. Everything is terrible", whereas the internal is the mindset of "I can change this. This is hard but I can make decisions that will help me to have an outcome that I desire". People with an internal locus of control are typically happier and more successful. Our brains are designed to change and adapt. Heavenly Father designed us this way. He did not set us up to fail; He wants us to succeed.

    In order to help you develop an internal locus of control, I invite all of you to take a look at a tool called the Mood Journal by David Burns . This form helps to record how you feel about a certain event. In this he also gives tools to help you evaluate those thoughts and feelings and see them for what they truly are. One thing I love about this tool is that he provides a checklist of cognitive distortions at the bottom of the second page to help you see what's really going on.

    In conclusion, if you are experiencing unwanted anxiety, there is nothing wrong with you. It is normal and okay to feel this way. Luckily we aren't designed to fail, and there are many resources to be able to direct unwanted thoughts into positive thoughts AND behavior. I hope this helped anybody who needed it. I've also attached a link to a video that you might also find helpful here. Have a good week!


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